Prioritizing Marriage in Busy Seasons 

Before you get married, you prioritize time together. Once you get married and schedules get crazy, you have to learn healthy habits of how to make time for marriage.

“All right, everyone, that’s a wrap”.   There was a season in my marriage where every day I longed to hear those words.  For those of you who don’t know, it’s film speak for “We’re done for the day!”

Once Upon A Time

Hubby and I got to work together in Arizona on a low budget film called "Pandemic", with Jason Connery directing, you got it right, Sean’s son. It was crazy hours and low pay but incredibly exciting.  The film wrapped, and we got word a Network TV show called “Hidden Palms” was coming into town to film at the studio we had been working at. I got hired immediately as the Set Costumer and we were hoping and praying God would provide an opportunity for my hubby as well.

First day of principle photography Hubby came along to hang with me on set to schmooze and see if we might get him on the crew. We had always worked together and wanted to make our best effort to keep it that way!

In the film industry,  you start very early and work long hours. It had already been a long day starting before sunrise, and our hopes for Hubby getting a job on the project were dwindling. When they called for lunch he headed home. While on set I started chatting with the Gang Boss. I know, I know..... it sounds all godfather, but in film terms it’s just the guy who's in charge of the set decorating. He mentioned he could use some more guys on his crew! I was elated, I quickly called my Hubby and he came back was introduced, they hit it off and he was hired! 

Even as I’m writing this now I think about how incredible it was for God to answer our prayer so quickly, since His heart for marriage always surrounds prioritizing our time together.

It wasn't quite the rainbow connection we expected

We thought this season of how to make time for marriage was all figured out. We quickly found out, the team he was on most often set up the scenes we were going to shoot the next day, meaning we were rarely on set together. This was sort of a bitter pill for me to swallow. Don’t get me wrong, I was still grateful God had provided additional income, and my hubby was loving it, I was just used to having him with me.  

On set, it was somehow comforting to look at the furniture or the faux climbing foliage that had been loving placed by my sweet hubby the day or hours before. Also, knowing the next day when we moved on, he’d be back where I was standing, removing or changing out these installations. 

Once they call "last shot", then you know you are almost done. I would already be ready to bolt home into my hubby's arms. Sometimes, at the end of a long filming day, my heart would sink if the director said, “ok, let's keep rolling”. Often, Directors do this when they are on the last shot of the night to get as much in as possible. This could go on for hours.

While this job was incredibly exciting, and the people I worked with were super fun, nothing then nor now has ever held a candle to spending our time together.  We were suddenly very aware our new schedule meant we needed to be intentional and prioritize our time together. No matter how long our days were or how little sleep we got.  I’m here to tell you, it was worth every minute of lost sleep and every extra cup of coffee it took!  

How did we make time for each other?

Here are a few things we did in this season to keep from growing apart. Most of these are things we had done since we got married,(at that point we had been married for almost 4 years), but they were very instrumental in the success of this season. ( You can read here some other tips on finding your rhythm in marriage)

1. We prayed together everyday out loud

Definitely at meals we spent together, but always at night before we went to sleep and in the morning before we parted ways. Additionally, whenever something came up and needed immediate prayer, we would also pray for each other separately. 

2. We read God’s Word together

You may roll your eyes, but I guarantee you the benefit of this outweighs any inconvenience. Most days we did this, even if it was a small verse or chapter. Try it, you won’t be sorry.

3. We showered together every night

Keeping this habit even when we might have to wait for the other to get off work kept a good level of physical intimacy even when you are bone tired.  Jesus washed his disciples' feet, my Husband and I wash each other's bodies; It’s an act of love and care.  Did this lead to sex every night? No, of course not, but it was an intentional foreplay and created the right atmosphere for when we were in the mood to take it further.

4. We made sex a priority 

You might have guessed this one was coming next. It’s important and keeps both your brains and your bodies working at the best they possibly can.  The enemy wants to separate the closeness we have with our spouses and long work days are huge culprits for making people feel they don’t have time or energy for sex, it’s a deception.   It should really be the other way around, make time for sex with your spouse and you’ll have the energy and vigor to accomplish more than you can imagine.

5. We adjusted to each others schedules

We would set up time together. Hubby’s call time was often later than mine, yet we set our alarm early and he drove me to work most mornings. We would stop at Starbucks and spend even 15 min chatting with a cup of coffee. Those early morning coffee dates while they were tough to get up for are still sweet memories.  His schedule often kept him out later than my wrap time, on these days I stayed up and waited for him until he got home.  We would have a glass of wine or a beer together and talk about our day. This kept a oneness when such separate schedules could have surely caused us to grow apart. 

6. We were interested in each others days

Asking questions, truly caring about the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of each other’s day. We sort of looked at it as if we were both truly playing a role in each other's jobs. 

7. We vocalized our encouragement 

We were vocal about being proud of each other, giving each other much-needed encouragement. This helped us to get back out there, and work hard.

8. We spent our weekends together

Planning fun adventures, they don't have to be expensive, just something to make a memory. We always spent our time off together and still do. Hubby even surprised me with a weekend in Sedona for our 4th wedding anniversary at a bed and breakfast! Sometimes we drove back to California, where it was cooler, just to relax, and other times to attend weddings and other events. We always expected to prioritize our time together.

9. We thought about each other and showed it

We slipped little notes to each other in unexpected places and texted each other. If we happened to be anywhere near each other on set or on location, we made our best efforts to grab a quick kiss!  We also got treats for each other when we saw something the other would like.  One night when I came home late after an extra-long day, Hubby had prepared an entire Italian feast complete with wine and tiramisu. 

10. We keep our speech and our thoughts positive towards one another

We never say negative things about each other to anyone, ever; Wether in front of or behind the others back. In fact we make a point to say great things about each other to others whether our spouse is present or not.  Additionally, we keep our thoughts positive; if something negative pops in, we try not to dwell on it.  

Busy Seasons don't have to cause a rift in your marriage!

This season brought some very quick unexpected changes for us. I can’t say I handled it in stride from the get go, I may have thrown some small fits. Despite it all, God was faithful and patient with me. I'm so grateful we both made the decision to prioritize our time together. 

Life will always be changing, so it’s important to be aware when it happens. If you notice a life change has started to cause you to drift in your marriage, get with your spouse and make a plan.  Being intentional ahead of time will help your marriage not only stay on track but thrive even in busy seasons!